Things I, MrsB, Need as a Submissive Partner

You know what’s awful? Those posts that list big generalizations about "What <Insert Some Type of Kinky Person Here> Needs". They seem to be about as applicable to the individual reader as horoscopes - just enough in there to help you identify if you're so inclined, but never truly definitive. The one thing I've found those to be reliably good for is reminding you (the reader) to think about whether you have a good understanding of that particular topic (the topic of the post), as it relates to your own personal kink.

Here is a thing I've been thinking about lately: what do I need from a kinky relationship? What do my partners need? How do all those needs come together to form healthy relationships?

Here is me, doing some of my part to answer those questions. These are the things that I, MrsB, need from my D-type when I am the s-type in a relationship. Since I'm a switch kink-wise, but find myself drawn to D-types in a romantic kind of way, these things are basically applicable to all my romantic releationships. Posted mostly for my own personal musings and reference. So I can come back and update it when I learn something different.

·    Structure & Consistency
Whether it's protocol, tasks, or schedule, I need to know what to expect from my partner, and what is expected from me, and I need it to be committed to on both our parts. I need to know which responsibilities are my partner's, which are mine, and which are shared. When things vary from the norm, I need that to be acknowledged so I know it's an "unusual" situation. I get confused when things are not consistent: if I'm the person responsible for taking the initiative on nearly everything in the relationship - planning time together, coming up with ideas for what to do when we are together, mapping out travel routes, etc - and then you get weirded out when I try to initiate sex, I'm not going to understand why, and I am going to get confused.

·    Diligence

I need to know that my partner is consciously working at keeping commitments, and at making our partnership a mutually beneficial one. I don't need success or perfection all the time - I just need to know my partner is trying.

·    Reciprocity

Relationships are, as adage says, a two-way street. Or, to use a different image: think of me as a rechargeable battery. My partner is the charging device. When I'm at full charge, I'm happy, and I'm very useful and good to my partner - I can give a lot. But I'll always eventually get to a point when I need to be recharged. I'll stop functioning properly if I'm not regularly given back what I put into the relationship. In a good relationship, this battery/charger thing works both ways; we are working to make one another happy, and we are replenishing one another by making one another happy. 

·    Respect, Appreciation, and Admiration

This is self-explanatory on one level - and something that's good for any kind of relationship, romantic or not. But on the romantic, D/s front, here's my thing: Every person has different strengths. Although I gravitate toward relationships in which identify as the s-type partner, not all of my strengths are typical s-type strengths. And as a matter of fact, I have some serious difficulties with some standard s-type behaviors. But I am always willing to try things that may be difficult for me. All I need in return is for my partner to recognize and respect my efforts, and to admire me as a person no matter what.

·    Distinction
I need to feel like a Special Snowflake. Yep, I said it. Not to everyone, but definitely to my D-type. Both intellectually and physically, I need to feel that I - the entirety of my person, both mind and body - am special to my D-type. This is one of those things for which, in my view, actions speak louder than words.

·    Transparency
This means full honesty, with a side of keeping me in the loop. Unless my partner is planning a surprise on purpose, I need to know what's up - what's on his* mind, what's in the works, how things are going, and - especially - how my partner is feeling. I need to feel actively included in my partner's life, outside of the time we spend together. 

·    Sex & Play
I am a sexual person, and a kinky person. I need both of those things in my life. Sex and physical intimacy are, at this point in my life, necessary components of any romantic relationship I may have, and play is a necessary component of any D/s relationship I may have. 

So there you all have it. For now. I think!

*Goddammit, I thought I could get through a whole post without using a gender pronoun. But alas, I am primarily heterosexual, which makes my D-type partners primarily male. And I simply cannot bring myself to flout all those years of grammar training and use "their" in place of "his" or "hers".