Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Dark Odyssey Summerfest 2015: Links for Presenter Feedback Forms

Hi sexy people!

If you took one of my classes at Dark Odyssey Summerfest 2015 and would like to provide feedback for me, links are posted below.

I appreciate the time and effort you take to provide feedback that will help me better serve our communities as an educator, and I hope you had a great time in class!

If you took: Yes &: Positive Negotiation for More Satisfying Play, class feedback form is here:

If you took: Beautiful Boys: Tying the Male Form, class feedback form is here:

If you took: Confident Submission: Finding Your Power Before the Exchange, class feedback form is here:

If you took: The Feminist Pervert, class feedback form is here:

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Shibaricon Write Up 2015!


I arrived early and got to catch up with some people and meet a few new ones outside the coffee shop. Nobody knew where the initial presenter meeting was supposed to take place, so I headed up to the lobby with MonkeyFetish, Zamil, and Andra, Dov, and Solatus to see what we could see. The other presenters were gradually drawn to us and gathered around, because everyone knows that experienced presenters give off a special presenter pheromone which attracts other presenters to them. There we were, a small flock of lost inflated egos, waiting for our shepherd to guide us to our meeting, when lo and behold Psychokitty and Pendragon led us to our room where SirC awaited us with gift bags. Hallelujah!

Afterwards I went to the meet & greet where I paid $8 for a bottle of beer and caught up with more people. It was nice. I used my extra sharp nails to scratch the shit out of gingerkitty’s  arm, right where TK wraps go, so she’d have a little gift to start the weekend right. I met _MrBrightSide_, who was planning to be a demo bottom for my class the next day, and I met Dorian, who has nice shoulders and likes to have his cock and balls in rope, and so naturally I asked him to demo bottom for me as well ;) The husband and I did some edge play wherein over the course of an hour or so, he kept asking if I was ready to go home. I kept saying no, but eventually I said yes. He didn’t respect my boundary! Violator! I allegate against you sir! I am an alligator!

Hedwig’s Freestyle Floorwork class was a really nice way to start the con. Gingerkitty and I practiced switching off with one another. We got moving and had some fun, and I got a few nice pointers about how to move your bottom around more effectively . Hedwig is like a love child resulting from a threesome between Pok√©mon, Betty Boop, and an adorable, fluffy white ferret.

I went to Strange Things on the Chest next. The things weren’t particularly strange, but I did learn a nice karada harness for suspension. I tied luceyed, who was wearing this super hot denim jumpsuit which I got to incorporate into the tie. She got all floopy in my rope which was pretty cool. I also almost dropped her – luceyed totally saved the situation with her lighting fast reflexes. I was mortified and thoroughly shaken up and apologized probably ten times. I made a resolution to be more mindful of safety first for the weekend which served me well. Luceyed was super cool about everything.

The last class that day was Strangelove and sansumi’s Honnawa class, promising rope around the neck and discomfort – yes! Hubby came and made a Very Special Appearance at the con by actively participating in a class, something not seen in this decade, and we got to spend an uninterrupted 90 minutes together at Shibaricon, something also not seen in this decade. Yay! He tied rope around my neck and caused me physical discomfort. It was nice.

Dinner was at some confusing suburban restaurant with my husband, cuddleswithteeth, Dorian, and Ropeguyjin. I have never laughed so much at a dinner ever in my life. I have absolutely no recollection of what we talked about but we were hilarious. Also bonus: we apparently missed the fire alarm fiasco? I’m told the DJ for the prom on the lower level was using a fog machine and ruined everyone’s night. Ah, prom.

I made a small but still grand entrance into the dungeon in my fave lacy black bodysuit/teddy thing and some super maneater heels. There was an audible “ooh-aah” effect from Hedwig & co. which was pretty fucking awesome and confidence-inspiring. There was a lot of nice stuff to check out in the dungeon; for the first night of the con, it was pretty great to see such good ropework going on already. I did I tiny bit of practice/show and tell with _MrBrightSide_ so he’d know what to expect for the next day.

Dorian came up to me and gave me some serious puppydog eyes and asked to play because he hadn’t bottomed for rope in a long time, and I was more than happy to oblige because his opening line to me the previous night was “You should know three things about me: I’m a masochist, I’m not shy, and I’m not small.” How can a girl say no to that? I tied him up and suspended him and tied his package to his leg and gagged him and nibbled daintily [translation: viciously] on his toes. It was fun.

My day started out with my Beautiful Boys class – it was so fun to teach! I could not believe there were so many people in the class, opposite people like Nawashi Kanna, Lee Harrington, Scott Smith, -EM-, and Lani DV8. I got to rip some chest hair off of Jin, manipulate _MrBrightSide_’s body with my armor tie, tie Dorian’s cock&balls to his leg in a partial, and turn Chemical Ouch into an Avenger. I hope the attendees had as much fun as I did! Appropriately, the Hitchin’ Bitches lunch followed and it was really great to meet all those women from around North America who are part of a HB group. It’s always a nice moment when you can finally put a face to a name!

I spent the afternoon taking classes from Ben Hart (who is really a good, solid teacher – more from him please!) and from EbiMcKnotty. Cuddleswithteeth was my bottom for Ben Hart’s class, and she was outrageously late in arriving because, being the incredibly lovable derp she is, she’d gone out to lunch and returned to the wrong Hyatt. Derptastic!  Jin was my class bottom for Ebi’s class, which I really was excited to take since I am an Ebi fangirl club member. Ever since this class, Jin has been walking up to me, looking me in the face, and saying “Evil!” every time he’s seen me, so I think I picked up something useful in that class ;-) Thanks, Ebi! I had a nice dinner in the hotel bar catching up with Roughinamorato, and partaking of a little digestif he’d brought from home. Then off to the second play party!

I could not remember the last time I’d truly bottomed for a rope scene – it had been perhaps two years, maybe more. So who better to ask to shove me all at once back into the deep end of the pool than BlueRisk? He had saved a slot on his dance card for me, and this was the time. He asked me what I was looking for and I told him I liked to be bent in weird ways and surprised. He was like “I can work with that” and then he tied me up and his ropes made me feel first calm, then sexy, then challenged. He pushed me right to the edge of my ability, which was exactly as far as I wanted to go. Then after I reached that point, some super-hot untying happened, and it took a reverse trajectory to the tying – challenging, sexy, then calm. Two thumbs up, Murphy!

Next came my long-awaited scene with cuddleswithteeth. She had been a play partner of my husband’s for a good while, so I know what she’s about pretty well – she is a heavy masochist, a humiliation bottom, all the fun edgy stuff. Also she is soft and cuddly, and is simultaneously totally gracious and totally inelegant at all times. We played at COPE last year and it was pretty fucking sweet; I got to hurt her as much as I wanted to and she totally loved it! Win win! So naturally we were going to do it again. I honestly don’t remember how I tied her other than it was in some super-weird and awkward position with a futo on one leg. I poked at her and bit her and stood on her and scratched her with my claws and hit her and punched and kicked her, and I used some of the fun tips about body positioning and breath and tempo I’d picked up from classes. I had her gagged with a scold’s mask so she could scream with relative impunity and I couldn’t see her any of her face except her nose and eyes, and her eyes kept changing from “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TO ME” to “OMG KEEP DOING IT”. It was great.

My favorite part of the scene was a completely happy accident. Total masochist/bottom though she may be, cuddleswithteeth has this lizard-brain response to her vagina being exposed to the world, especially during a violent scene. So here I was, in the middle of the dungeon, trying to peel her legs apart for a cunt-kick, when I noticed that a couple of little teensy flecks of toilet paper had gotten stuck in that moist valley between her labia majora and minora. This, my friends, is a sadistic humiliation top’s dream come true. She has gone to all this trouble to shave her bits for the weekend, to look nice for the scene, to take all my torture so very well, and then she does the porn equivalent of leaving the stall with toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Of course I very loudly pointed this out to her and she was utterly mortified. WIN!

I ended the scene by pinching the inner-middle part of her ear really hard with my fingernails, and the “WTF are you doing” look reached its maximum level and I laughed like the sadistic maniac I am, and the couple wrapping up a scene next to us looked over at me with a look that was either “WTF” or “Kudos”, which either way I’ll take as a compliment. Then I gave her aftercare by offering her an apple, getting her to bite down on said (sweet, juicy Pink Lady) apple, and eating the apple out from her mouth as the peel dug deeper and deeper into her gums. A favorite trick taught to me by this awesome priest I know. I went home early so I could get some sleep before my morning class.

I pulled myself out of bed at 8 on Sunday morning to teach my very most favorite discussion class, The Feminist Pervert. We had a really great group of people and as always the discussion was lively and nonstop. We even came up with a new hashtag for when people hear the words “male gaze” or “patriarchy”: #maleglaze. There’s never enough time for this class – we could go on for hours! I’m so glad Shibaricon asked me to lead it again.

Next it was off to the single best class I’ve ever taken at any Con, ever: Strangelove and sansumi’s Sadistic Connective Rope. Strangelove is like a cross between a lion and a bear, and sansumi is the delicate deer he preys on – they’re a brilliant team. I was super privileged to tie the resilient, generous, and gorgeous Molly_V for the class. As soon as Strangelove said something about wanting to push to people’s limits not to break them, but to “find the state of mind of the limit” as a place for ongoing suffering, I knew I’d come to the right place. I must have been grinning like the biggest idiot. I knew where I’d been trying to go; this class highlighted a path I might want to take to get there. Molly suffered for me beautifully for 90 minutes (her eyes were like these deep blue pools of torment), and the surrounding couples were super friendly – the subs sort of banded together as a team to stay strong. I cannot speak highly enough of the class, and I’m so grateful to the marvelous instructors!
After lunch it was off to Pedro’s Jazz Shibari class (into which cuddleswithteeth made a grand ungainly entrance complete with prat-fall in front of the whole class), followed by AndraPoloutropon’s Fucking About with Rope, which was exactly what it said on the box: he explained some concepts for all levels of riggers (at least a couple of which were very useful to me) and then for a good while he let us fuck around and apply those concepts in rope practice. I got to tie gingerkitty again for that, which is nice because she’s really bendy and I can hurt her if I want (which, when do I not?).

I had a lovely and romantic dinner with my husband, and then back to the dungeon! Husband went off to play with cuddleswithteeth, while I went to play with rope. I was waiting for a couple of pre-arranged play dates to show up and chatting with groundbird when she said “well if you want to kill some time while you’re waiting and tie me…” and I didn’t even let her finish the sentence to say “Yes. Let’s do it right now” because I had tied her at COPE at the end of the weekend and we were both exhausted and I wanted to do a more awake job. She likes to be challenged and I like to challenge! I had a wonderful time tying her and hurting her and watching her process what I was asking of her body. She’s so sweet and soft! It was a lovely time.

Then came AndraPoloutropon. I have a confession to make: I’d had my eye on tying with him prior to the con, for reasons I cannot quite explain, perhaps because his class was called Fucking About with Rope, which sort of tickled me. Then I’d met him at the beginning of the weekend, and we’d been chatting a bunch, plus I had watched him tie on Friday night and it was pretty hot, so I asked him if he wanted to tie me up and, being a man who knows a good opportunity when he sees it, he said yes. (Yes, I am totally awesome.) So anyway we found a frame and he tied me and it was hot and there was a lot of eye contact and touching and feeling sexy and almost kissing (which is really super fun in a rope scene because it builds tension along with the rope) followed by sexy hot untying (it’s the latest craze) and some honest-to-goodness cuddling and smooching afterwards which looked an awful lot like aftercare but of course I am too hardcore for aftercare so it was not aftercare at all, just nice times winding down from a sexy scene.

Then, my friends, I managed to pull off the ultimate Switch score: I rallied, and topped someone again after having bottomed! I had promised Dhyana a scene and she would get one, dammit. I made the call to do only floorwork, just in case the post-rope-bottom derp struck unexpectedly. Dhyana was looking smokin’ hot and innocent as always in her lacy lingerie getup, plus she looked afraid of me which of course makes it 100 times hotter. We found a nice corner of the room and I tied her up super tightly and all sexy-like and shifted her into distressing positions. I tied her tongue with some twine and weighted it with a couple of carabiners, which I then strung around the back of her neck and hooked to her chest rope. Her tongue looked like a weird purple slug and she looked deliciously awkward. She told me afterwards that she sort of forgot for awhile that the slug-thing partially gagging her was her own tongue. HOT.

Then I tortured her nicely pedicured little toes with pokey things and bottlecaps, and she wriggled around so much that the tongue twine got pulled off (ouch!), so I decided to start untying (which I hate doing, so I make it as horrible for my bottoms as possible). I stuck the bottlecaps down her bra for safekeeping in case I needed them later. I gave her a final hit to her tension-crushed calf and she started to cry. Tears, YES! (Dhyana says that she tried really hard not to cry, and as soon as she did she thought to herself “Oh shit – sadist food!”) So of course I smacked her there lots more. It was ridiculously hot; she is SUPER pretty when she cries. I untied her in my most brutal fashion, and ever so gently forced her down for some spooning to decompress (figuratively and literally; her ribcage had been compressed for well over half an hour).

Dhyana declared herself exhausted and went to her room to crash; I made my final rounds in the dungeons saying hellos and goodbyes and went home. The next morning when I woke up I had this text from Dhyana: “Oh my. Apparently the bottle caps were still in my bra when I feel asleep!”

MONDAYI dragged my way to the con space so I could attend Tifereth’s class on Improv Bondage, and discovered sadly that my class bottom had had to attend to a work issue, which was sad because she’s hot and I’d been looking forward to tying her. But like a willing angel descended from rope heaven, I saw Resa sitting in the social area alone and just like that I had a class bottom yay! The class was nice and chill and I got to tie Resa and hurt them enough that they stopped chatting and started laughing, which you know means Resa is in a good bottom-space. A nice way to have my last tie of the con.

Closing ceremonies was sweet and there were hugs and minor cuddling and the exchanging of the business cards, plus I got to eat an apple out of Tifereth’s mouth so that was cool. Sadistic switches sharing tricks with sadistic switches. And Red Bar was such a great way to close out the con. Before I left, an old friend celebrated his birthday by buying MonkeyFetish, gingerkitty, and I tequila shots; I chatted with several old friends and new ones;  I hugged everyone at least once; I got a chance to meet and chat with Hebari, who is a really fricking down to earth, warm-hearted guy; and I got to make out with a cute rigger. Then off to my husband at home and a nice little wind-down gathering at Monkeyfetish’s, where I further tortured feel_e and ChemicalOuch.

TL;DR, here are the bullet points:
  • #femmeriggerproblems
  • #maleglaze
  • Pointy gel manicures are the best thing to happen to riggers ever – they help with hooking technique SO DAMNED MUCH, plus you can hurt people with them so easily. We should all get them on our dominant index fingers. I tied all weekend and I neither split a nail nor chipped my polish at all. Pointy index nails = the new kilts 2015.
  • It is totally worth the time to make plans for class partners in advance. 
  • It was totally worth it to put in all the practice time I did so I could feel more confident in my rigging.
  • It was totally worth it to get over my shyness and ask people to play.
  • Strangelove is a sadistic rope genius.
  • My friends are obscenely perverted and awesome.
  • I love tying more than ever.
  • I am actually a bigger sadist that even I realized.
  • This was an overwhelmingly positive Con for me and I’m so glad to have been a part of it

Monday, January 5, 2015

Miss Manners

"Freedom without rules doesn’t work" – Judith Martin (Miss Manners)

"Etiquette is the science of living." – Emily Post

I am a timid person.

It’s difficult to explain this to people who often see me in front of a group of strangers, smiling, loud, sometimes naked, even. But an audience is a different animal than an individual; when speaking to an audience, I can be relatively certain that they *want* to appreciate what I have to offer (or else they wouldn’t be there). Crowds can be fickle, but it’s not that difficult to lead a crew which has come to you looking for a captain. I know my role in a crowd.

Individuals, on the other hand, present a much more intimidating prospect. There are so many opportunities with unfamiliar people! And so few assumptions one can make about the outcome of a conversation with one! Few things make me feel more timid than needing to speak to a stranger in a social situation – particularly if I want to make a nice impression. Walking up to a stranger and talking to them feels to me like a combination of stepping out onto a tightrope and cold calling. I don’t know my role in a situation like this.

Not knowing my role in a given situation – and therefore not knowing the rules of engagement in a given situation – gives me the howling fantods. When given a chance to learn the rules of engagement, I learn them, and I thrive.

BDSM should be a fantastic place for someone with such a requirement. Is not protocol a huge thing in the D/s community? It is, but protocol can be so formal, and I don’t want all that pomp. Does not every dungeon, munch, and social gathering have its code of conduct? They do, but while those rules are useful and necessary, they don’t provide much help in simply navigating the social waters of a conversation with someone new.

What’s missing in my life, I think, is good, solid etiquette. That bag of pretty tricks to pull from when you and the person opposite you try to speak at the exact same time, or when that cute girl’s got broccoli in her smile, or when that one guy is making everyone else uncomfortable. The WD-40 that makes the social gears run smoothly.

I’m not talking about some sort of fetishized etiquette, necessarily; I don’t have a lot of interest in Victorian households, or D/s protocols, or how to use which fork properly, or in delving deeply into someone else’s idea relationship etiquette. The active etiquette groups here on FetLife are (understandably) focused on lifestyle etiquette. None of these are what I’m looking for.

I am interested in the kind of etiquette that begins simply with the intention of being nice and not awkward to people, which I have and which makes me want to learn to be more polite. I want to learn good manners, and I want to arm myself with the etiquette which governs how those manners are to be properly used. But where can I learn? I was (figuratively) raised in something of a barn with regards to manners, and since nobody stands on ceremony anymore, I’ve found it difficult to learn them through observation.  I need a Mrs. Higgins to my Eliza Doolittle!*

Am I the only one who feels this way? Do we need a finishing school for kinksters? I welcome your (kind) thoughts!

*Don’t any of you dare correct me and say Henry Higgins was the one who taught Eliza the rules of etiquette, I will cut you.