I'm pretty awesome, you guys.

I went on a date last week. It was Great Success! The dude I went out with, he's got a pretty unusual job in research science. This is an interesting field, but not a sexy one, per se. And yet, as he was describing the science-y stuff he does for a living to me, I was thinking to myself "*God, he's sexy. I kinda want to get naked with him and make out right now.*"

"*You are crazy, girl*," I then thought to myself. "*This is not sexy subject matter. What's up with that?*"

Then it hit me: people are at their most beautiful and sexy when they're talking about or doing something they love, and about which they are passionate, and for/about which they are proud. So today, when I was feeling kinda tired and cranky and not loving that feeling, I thought to myself "*MrsB! You should make yourself feel better by thinking of things that you're proud of, about yourself! Or maybe you should make a list about things you feel passionately about! Or both!*" 

So I decided to do that. And to invite you to do it, too. Here's the first exercise: write up a list of a bunch of stuff about you that you know to be good and true. As in: a list of reasons why you're awesome. 

There are no wrong answers. The only rule is: nothing negative. This rule is non-negotiable. It's a hard limit for this little scene you're about to do with yourself. Nothing. Negative. Period. You are not allowed to sneak the words "but" or "even though" into this list. You are not allowed to list things that are conditional.

Go ahead and do that. If, while you're doing it, you encounter something negative you judge yourself to be, wad it up like so much scrap paper and throw it in your mental recycle bin. Just put it right out of your mind. 

I think it's a nice thing to do for yourself. Here's my list.

Things about MrsB that are awesome

• I'm wicked smart.
• I'm really good at my job of choice. And I'm good at my job of second choice, which I also do frequently. And I'm good at my job of necessity as well, which I do as necessity dictates. In short, I'm good at the things I get paid to do. And I believe that I would be good at any job I set my mind to.
• My posture is, in general, good. 
• I love my belly laugh.
• I like my eyes. I think those are really pretty.
• I'm adorable sometimes, and terrifying sometimes. And sometimes I am both, simultaneously. It's pretty great.
• I love the wrinkles I'm developing on my face.
• I am an incredibly loving and loyal partner.
• I'm a good writer.
• I'm sexier now than I've ever been in my life.
• I care about some things very deeply, and am intensely passionate about them. I used to think this was a weakness, but I've discovered it's one of the best things about me.
• I know how to werk a pair of high heels.
• I like my lips. They're sexy. I do lipstick really, really well.
• My décolletage is hot.
• I excel at orgasms. I love this about myself.
• I have a powerful supervagina.
• I have a good fashion sense.
• I have overcome, in an incredibly gracious way, a seemingly insurmountable obstacle in terms of my career, and I am really, truly proud of myself for that.
• My hair is pretty, and it smells nice.
• My skin is really pale and clear with pink undertones, and it's beautiful. I look super when I'm flushed.
• I have excellent taste in men. ;-)
• A few months ago, I had coffee with an old friend from college I hadn't seen in years, and who is immensely successful. She told me that I was a role model for her. That made me feel really happy and proud of myself.
• I'm honest and have a strong sense of ethics.
• I have a good work ethic.
• I give a really good blowjob!
• I'm punctual. That is a thing I'm proud of.
• I have good instincts about people, generally, from a first impression standpoint. 
• When I'm wrong, I apologize and try my best to right it.
• I'm forgiving.
• I'm good at empathy.
• I'm good at public speaking.
• I'm organized and make a point of being prepared.
• I have a knack for pronouncing languages.
• I'm good at kinky things - I tie pretty well, am a wicked sadist, and am proud of my bottoming skill set.
• I know I still have so many things to learn and directions in which to grow, and I love that, and welcome the opportunity.

Gosh that felt good! Now, you! I want to know what's awesome about you. 

Next time, I'll write about things for which I feel passionately. That's gonna be a fun one.

Things I, MrsB, Need as a Submissive Partner

You know what’s awful? Those posts that list big generalizations about "What <Insert Some Type of Kinky Person Here> Needs". They seem to be about as applicable to the individual reader as horoscopes - just enough in there to help you identify if you're so inclined, but never truly definitive. The one thing I've found those to be reliably good for is reminding you (the reader) to think about whether you have a good understanding of that particular topic (the topic of the post), as it relates to your own personal kink.

Here is a thing I've been thinking about lately: what do I need from a kinky relationship? What do my partners need? How do all those needs come together to form healthy relationships?

Here is me, doing some of my part to answer those questions. These are the things that I, MrsB, need from my D-type when I am the s-type in a relationship. Since I'm a switch kink-wise, but find myself drawn to D-types in a romantic kind of way, these things are basically applicable to all my romantic releationships. Posted mostly for my own personal musings and reference. So I can come back and update it when I learn something different.

·    Structure & Consistency
Whether it's protocol, tasks, or schedule, I need to know what to expect from my partner, and what is expected from me, and I need it to be committed to on both our parts. I need to know which responsibilities are my partner's, which are mine, and which are shared. When things vary from the norm, I need that to be acknowledged so I know it's an "unusual" situation. I get confused when things are not consistent: if I'm the person responsible for taking the initiative on nearly everything in the relationship - planning time together, coming up with ideas for what to do when we are together, mapping out travel routes, etc - and then you get weirded out when I try to initiate sex, I'm not going to understand why, and I am going to get confused.

·    Diligence

I need to know that my partner is consciously working at keeping commitments, and at making our partnership a mutually beneficial one. I don't need success or perfection all the time - I just need to know my partner is trying.

·    Reciprocity

Relationships are, as adage says, a two-way street. Or, to use a different image: think of me as a rechargeable battery. My partner is the charging device. When I'm at full charge, I'm happy, and I'm very useful and good to my partner - I can give a lot. But I'll always eventually get to a point when I need to be recharged. I'll stop functioning properly if I'm not regularly given back what I put into the relationship. In a good relationship, this battery/charger thing works both ways; we are working to make one another happy, and we are replenishing one another by making one another happy. 

·    Respect, Appreciation, and Admiration

This is self-explanatory on one level - and something that's good for any kind of relationship, romantic or not. But on the romantic, D/s front, here's my thing: Every person has different strengths. Although I gravitate toward relationships in which identify as the s-type partner, not all of my strengths are typical s-type strengths. And as a matter of fact, I have some serious difficulties with some standard s-type behaviors. But I am always willing to try things that may be difficult for me. All I need in return is for my partner to recognize and respect my efforts, and to admire me as a person no matter what.

·    Distinction
I need to feel like a Special Snowflake. Yep, I said it. Not to everyone, but definitely to my D-type. Both intellectually and physically, I need to feel that I - the entirety of my person, both mind and body - am special to my D-type. This is one of those things for which, in my view, actions speak louder than words.

·    Transparency
This means full honesty, with a side of keeping me in the loop. Unless my partner is planning a surprise on purpose, I need to know what's up - what's on his* mind, what's in the works, how things are going, and - especially - how my partner is feeling. I need to feel actively included in my partner's life, outside of the time we spend together. 

·    Sex & Play
I am a sexual person, and a kinky person. I need both of those things in my life. Sex and physical intimacy are, at this point in my life, necessary components of any romantic relationship I may have, and play is a necessary component of any D/s relationship I may have. 

So there you all have it. For now. I think!

*Goddammit, I thought I could get through a whole post without using a gender pronoun. But alas, I am primarily heterosexual, which makes my D-type partners primarily male. And I simply cannot bring myself to flout all those years of grammar training and use "their" in place of "his" or "hers".